Me and Miss Mandible
13 SeptemberMiss Mandible s to make love to me but sates because I am officially a co to to tion I quite managed to get cleared up yet. I am in fact ty-five, Ive been in t one, I e places, my voice is a baritone, I knoo do h Miss Mandible if she ever makes up her mind.
In time udying common fractions. I could, of course, ansions, or at least most of t remember). But I prefer to sit in too-small seat op cramping my ty-to t t, is divided betoday, Sue Ann; altions. Strangely neito see any incongruity in my presence here.
15 September
ext, o conceal my clandestine journal-keeping, accomplision book. Every day I must until Geograpo put douation and my felloing at otimes and it does not eacicks close to t of t, o kno, I from certain desultory conversations on ts cars, a veteran consumer of Road amp; track. tinual roaring sounds e from his desk; he is reproducing a record album called Sounds of Sebring.
19 September
Only I, at times (only at times), understand t someake I am in a place may be t Miss Mandible also kno some level, but for reasons not fully understood by me s assigned to ted to protest, tupidest principal could ; but I o believe it e, t I rayed again.
No seems to make little difference. teresting as my former life-role, er for t Nortion ime amid tion: rumpled fenders, roofless sted en years of tendency to see t junkyard, looking at a man and seeing only entially) mangled parts, entering a o trace table fire. talled enanced it, I age to be gained from er. ter teaches one much.
22 September
I am being solicited for team. I decline, refusing to take unfair profit from my .
23 September
Every morning tvina, Bokenfoe, , Lay, Logan, Masei, Mitgang, Pfeilsticker. It is like tany ced in texas by t of our basic training company.
In too, I ook me a fantastically long time to realize at once: t muc ely pointless, to no purpose. I kept ion. One day o opmost leaves, all of trees in our training area. tic. Later an off-duty captain sauntered by and ce-splasotally rung out among ted. ood t I wondered: ho decides?
29 September
Sue Ann is a erday s paying attention ing to pass me a note during ory. It is sill. But Miss Mandible co be a ccantly, trying to keep sexual significance out of iced. I gly frequency t is tion, t;teac!quot;
2 October
Sometimes I speculate on t nature of t me times I believe it igated by my o forget. I knoate) or my old Army serial number (US 54109268). ion I recall best, took place on ted. quot;You ; I said on t occasion, stating noteral, unvarnis. quot;You,quot; s;are a pimp, a poop, and a crust t me you will peris;
I squirm in my seat at tion, and Sue Ann ciced t apparently sees it only as a token of my glamour, my dark man-of-the-world-ness.
7 October
Once I tiptoed up to Miss Mandibles desk (eac as a sixtext, ions y to take t steps and to obtain correct ans full social significance, it is necessary t many realistic situations requiring teresting and lifelike problems involving tions s;
8 October
I am not irritated by tly no from t voyage tary sc;ty to take t steps and to obtain correct ans; true. , actical advantage of being able to maneuver in my disproportionate so bust a classmate in t asks Miss Mandible to lo ts ion y so easily.
13 October
It may be t on my first trip too muc ies ( I confused auty self. My pat particularly of my oc in front of me like a paper co pick up t out of sc time, I felt t timate antially correct, and eagerly entered t. I found clues abundant: diplomas, memberstons, a marriage license, insurance forms, discax returns, Certificates of Merit. to prove, at t, t I t ragic mistake on ton Bichek claim.
I misread a clue. Do not misunderstand me: it ragedy only from t of vieies. I conceived t it y to obtain satisfaction for t even one of our policy a claimant against Big Ben transfer amp; Storage, Inc.) from ttlement ill believe, . But my encouragement Mrs. Bico prize its faitrict manager, expressed t in a fe altogetic old me at time t I o t ary, under the lubricious eye of Miss Mandible.
17 October
today o only for our room but for tire riginction, er my arrival, is interpreted by some as anot dubious relations eaced e felt letters reading FIRE, sits on ttle s to taining tages of packing my o for me) is t I am able to fill it butter sandence, many years ago, my diet eriously adjusted to my neuation; I no longer drink, for instance, and I all. It is only in tter of sex t I feel my orue age; tly somet, once learned, can never be forgotten. I live in fear t Miss Mandible er sce a compromising situation. to avoid tered in certain quarters. But I cannot deny t I am singed by ty of tably about t, a very tasty piece.
24 October
ted co my largeness, to my dimly realized position in t of my classmates are polite about tter, as ted, metal-ation of some sort but essentially a peer. uring t (ly reproacsville), today inquired if I ed to figerested group of o observe taking. I replied t I didnt feel quite up to it, for and privately t me all ts I a ridiculously modest figure.
25 October
quot;Many interesting and lifelike problems involving tions s; ts fail to realize t everyt is eiteresting or lifelike in t terpersonal relations: Sue Ann Broender solicitude after transparent; everyone kno s it is a victory in ruggle , overgroers in per;Are you ions smolder be I have bumped my leg.
30 October
I return again and again to ture.
4 November
ting library me a copy of Movie-tV Secrets, ticolor cover blazoned ;Debbies Date Insults Liz!quot; It is a gift from Frankie Randolpil today one . I nod and smile over my s; Frankie imes one of to inspect a particularly lurid cover). Miss Mandible confiscates tV Secrets and get an eyeful. quot;ture on t seems. e knoerests of a nice guy, . really ; ture sartled beside o kno ture is not really seems; it seems to be nothan divorce evidence.
do tures quot;; or o be padded rumps? (quot;A real undercover agent t adds appeal to t;) If t deciprations leave noto tion. quot;Drive ic. . .quot; tinues. Pers preoccupation is; it is a defense against being driven frantic.
Sue Ann ure, and catcceen of ting t me as if to prove t anyto offer, sop. I sing torial perspective:
quot;Debbies Kids Are Cryingquot;
quot;Eddie Asks Debbie: ill You. . . ?quot;
quot;tmares Liz Eddie!quot;
quot;tell About Eddiequot;
quot;te Life of Eddie and Lizquot;
quot;Debbie Gets ;
quot;A Ne;
quot;Love Is a tricky Affairquot;
quot;Eddies taylor-Made Love Nestquot;
quot;;
quot;Are to Live toget;
quot;Isnt It time to Stop Kicking Debbie Around?quot;
quot;Debbies Dilemmaquot;
quot;Eddie Becomes a Fat;
quot;Is Debbie Planning to Re-;
quot;Can Liz Fulfill ;
quot;;
terrible predicament? Sue Ann kno is obvious t sudying tory as a guide to w s w classroom.
I am angry and I s even a whanks.
5 November
t ary is a furnace of love, love, love. today it is raining, but inside tense ; I suspect t yesterdays exco me. S responsible, I knohe flu.
Nomosped sexuality as t today. Amos Darin y picture in te, it as a sign of somet as an act of love in itself. It ed even t seen it, even t understood only t it y. tly compreitillation. Amos stands by ting to be taken to t of emporary celebrity. From time to time Miss Mandible looks at me reproac I did not create tmosp in it like all thers.
8 November
Everytes and I, most of all ture. e accept trageous assurances blinking.
9 November
I o petition for a larger desk. At recess I can ake it up odian. S tant I am on telling ory. Somet to attempt it. rust myself once more to ty. I resolve to make my t in ture.
11 November
A ruined marriage, a ruined adjusting career, a grim interlude in t not a person. tence to date, a dismal total. Small re-education seemed my only is clear even to me t I need real y t provides ts clinkers!
Plucked from my unexamined life among ot, desperate, money-making young Americans, time, I am beginning to understand ion of t me I get right.)
14 November
tinction bettom a specious one, I feel. there are only individual egos, crazy for love.
15 November
todian our desks are all t size for sixtimate and furnis Educational Supply Corporation of Engle t if t, t be incorrect. Miss Mandible, o press tter furto tration mig in my removal from transfer to some sort of setup for quot;exceptional c; ter of t magnitude. to sit in a room ;retardedquot;) me be, please God, typical.
20 November
e read signs as promises. Miss Mandible understands by my great , by my resonant vo I erprets to mean t I am unique among ances, t desirable, ty as is everyt is Most Desirable. If neitions them.
I myself, in my former existence, read tto (quot;o ime of Needquot;) as a description of ty of ter, drastically mislocating t concerns. I believed t because I ained a tokens a kind of general righteousness.
But I say, looking about me in tor of future citizens, t signs are signs, and t some of t discovery of my time here.
23 November
It may be t my experience as a cer all. If only I can remain quietly in tes ext. All of teries t perplexed me as an adult s.
2 December
Miss Mandible o permit me to remain ungrooo long.
7 December
It is t to me, pledges t cannot be redeemed, t confuse me later and make me feel I am not getting any of some kno four I get te I must travel by anotor. If, like Bobby Vanderbilt, I yearn for ter coupé,1 o go te process, t is, get t is money itself t I desire, I o make it. All of tiful in t of timate; teel and glass building, in traigter-of-factness able t arrangements sometimes slip, t errors are made, t signs are misread? quot;ty to take t steps and to obtain correct ans; I take t steps, obtain correct ansher man.
8 December
My enlig is proceeding wonderfully.
9 December
Disaster once again. tomorroo be sent to a doctor, for observation. Sue Ann Bro. For a moment I t sually going to c of traigain no, but I kno s fulfilled. Altributing to t peace; . S everytold about life, about America, is true.
I ried to convince ties t I am a minor only in a very special sense, t I am in fact mostly to blame -- but it does no good. temporaries are astounded t I present myself as anyt victim. Like ts, to t trut.
Bobby Vanderbilt has given me his copy of Sounds of Sebring, in farewell.